A Shield Around Me

"But you are a shield around me, O Lord: you bestow glory on me and lift up my head." Psalm 3:3

"You know I'm not very intuitive,' my friend Dee said, breaking the silent prayer of the women's bible study. "I don't see visions or anything, but just now I saw the Lord standing guard over you. Behind him were shadowy figures of things like anger and depression. His arms were outspread, holding them back and protecting you so nothing could harm you."

It was the week after Richard's funeral and I was on shaky, newborn legs. I was really too raw and unsteady to be out but had always enjoyed the common sense and strength of these women. I knew Dee's words were true. I felt that protection.

I had done what was necessary: contacted a lawyer, begun hundreds of thank-you notes, applied for Social Security. Now there was just pain and all of life ahead. Pain, fierce and cleansing in its intensity, still without anger, built or depression - all that would come later.

The grace I felt didn't blunt the pain, didn't even keep the difficulties at bay. The cars still ran out of oil, fuses still blew, the grass needed mowing and our machine was too cantankerous for the job. These daily irritations were drips in an overflowing cup.

Grace was a sense of presence, of stillness, that was always there just below the surface. Perhaps grace had always been there, but my life had been too hurried, my mind too cluttered, to notice it. perhaps a feeling of unworthiness had blocked the presence of God. All that fell away now. God was my Father, giving me each day the ticket for the journey, and I clung to that grace like a child.

By Kate Convissor, taken from "Women's Devotional Bible 2"