Doing it on my own

As I ponder over the past year I can see that I've allowed myself to be puffed up. When trouble arises, my first instinct has been to turn to myself instead of God. God was there with His hand stretched out asking me to take it so He could lead the way through. Yet, I turned a blind eye to it and walked through the darkness flailing my hands back and forth trying to find something solid to grasp onto.

This morning I read about the Israelites escape from Egypt. God literally physically led them, "By the day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in the pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people." Exodus 13:21-22. God sent this pillar to go ahead of the people to show them the way they should go (Deut. 1:33). I like what the psalmist says about the cloud, "He spread out a cloud as a covering, and a fire to give light at night." Psalm 105:39. In Exodus 14:19-20 the cloud moved from being ahead of them to going behind them in protecting them from Pharaoh's army. I just never left them.

"The story is told of a small boy trying very hard to lift a heavy object. His father coming into the room and noticing the son's
struggle asked him, "Are you using all your strength?" "yes, of course I am," the boy impatiently exclaimed. "You are not," the
father answered. "You haven't asked me to help you." - I'm like this small boy!

In my selfishness I've chosen to ignore God's guidance. I've opened myself up to being unprotected and lead astray. Oh Lord, may I never take my eyes off You always looking up and not side to side. How many things have I missed because I chose to look to myself to solve my problems? If Moses had chose to ignore you and deal with escaping on his own, what would have happened to the People and history? Please don't let my selfishness bring pain to others. Please don't let it get in the way of other's pursuit of you. During my trials may I take to heart what you told the Israelites, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14). Instead of panic rash decisions of my choosing, I only need to be still, looking for you and wait for your hand to close around mine to lead me. Thank you for your loving guidance. Thank you for your patience in growing me through my stubbornness. Thank you for being my pillar. Amen.

Krista Jones
2.22.08