God Never Fails

"The Lord's lovingkindness indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

These verses are within a group of verses from Lamentations 3:16-33 that touched me back in October 19, 2000. Besides these verses I wrote, "Life's darkest trial cannot dim the light of God's love." The day before on October 18, 2000 I went in for my first treatment. It was very frightening and took 7 long hours of sitting in one place hooked up to an IV. The experimental drug was causing me to have reactions that forced them to administer it to me at a slower pace each time I developed symptoms. The Benadryl pretty much knocked me out and caused me to be in a dream like state. I was so heavy feeling that I couldn't move or talk. The Rituxan (the experimental drug) ended up giving me a high fever and hives. Each time this happened they had to stop the drug and administer more Benadryl. After 7 long hours of this my oncologist told me that they gave me enough Benadryl to knock out and elephant. It was a good thing my body was reacting because it meant that the drug was working.

When I got home I was exhausted. The side effects of Rituxan was that I'd have flu like symptoms and sure enough I ached and was chilled all night. I was miserable. Here is what I wrote in my journal the morning of October 19, 2000:

"My night was so horrible. I had to take more Benadryl to help with the side effects and that kept me up all night. GERR!!!! Eric had to stay home with me since I couldn't take care of the kids. I feel so helpless. I'm OK, yet I can't seem to get myself up most of the time. What's going to happen when I start the chemo?

I'm so fearful of it all! I cried most of the evening at the thought of chemo. What if it makes me so sick that I can't deal with life? What if I get sicker because of it? What if I die from it? Will it hurt as they inject it into me? I have so many questions yet how do I get them answered? I know the Lord is with me but I still sometimes feel all alone. Will he get me through this? I feel like I'm walking into a black hole with no light at the end of it to guide me." - Krista Jones 10.19.00

This is where I felt myself continue to fall into that black hole where I eventually found Jesus waiting with open arms to lift me back up. Although I felt like I was walking into a black hole with no light to guide me, He was still with me. It wasn't until I read my devotional later on that night that I came across this passage, "Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?" (Lamentations 3:38). But above that in verse 33 it says, "For He does not afflict willingly or grieve the sons of men."

During that terrible time in 2000 I was struggling with the fact that I was suffering from Lymphoma. I questioned why God had allowed it when things were going so good for me. I can't say why these verses seem to contradict themselves. One says that He does not afflict willingly but the other says that out of Him comes both good and ill. What I do know is that no matter what, I was changed and drawn near to Him through my affliction. If He chose for me to go through cancer then so be it. I'm better off for going through it then not. It might be like when you watch your children make mistakes. You know they're heading in that direction but if you intervene and stop them they may not learn what they need to because they have to go through the consequences in order grow and learn. Thus, your choice is to either stop them before they make the mistake or allow them to make the mistake knowing it'll bring on a lot of pain. God didn't want to see me suffer but He allowed me to suffer none-the-less. And because of it I grew closer to Him. That would not have happened had He chose to heal me on the spot or never allowed the cancer to enter my body.

Now, I can say that I can claim verse 40, "We lift up our heart and hands toward God in heaven." Praise You, Lord, for all the good and bad that comes into my life. I know that no matter what You are in control and love me and will protect me. Your lovingkindness never ceases and Your compassions never fail!!!

Krista Jones
8.29.08

Bible Reading Guide:

Beginning to End: Mark 12-13
Old and New Testaments Together: Isaiah 59-61 & 2 Thess. 3
Historical: Romans 1-3
Chronological: Matthew 16, Mark 8 & Luke 9:18-27
Blended: I Samuel 19-21 & 2 Peter 3

The Bible reading guides will be taken from Back to the Bible